i guess there's not much (that i know how) to write. i've been feeling very...ugly recently. i've been taking multiple showers a day and nothing that i do seems satisfying. and my friends pointing out all of my flaws is really not helping. -it hurts that you would actually say that- i feel thick and slow and sticky like glue. i wear so much perfume because i feel like i reek, i cover my face in layers of makeup crap because even i can't stand to look at myself. and i can't wash away the scars on my hips or below my bellybutton. most of my arms have faded except a couple lines, a word, and a letter N. i forget what the rest of the word was. but the x's marking the parts i'd like to disappear. they stay. and i feel stupid when boys see them and ask what they are and seem sickened or confused by me. i'm so stupid for breaking open this body. i'd just like to get out. OUT OF THIS SKIN. if i slit the back of my ankles, do you think all of me would slip out? or should i just reach down my throat and vomit all of my insides out of me? but i don't do that shit. i'll just keep banging my wrists and biting my lip. i don't draw blood. i don't want to have memories of now when things get better. and yes, i'm counting on things being better.