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February 02, 2003-7:03 pm
HELLO? HELLO? I DESPERATELY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. I THINK THIS TIME I'M, REALLY GOING CRAZY, NOT QUITE SURE WHY I 'M WRITING THIS HERE BECAUSE I DO N 'T REALLY SHOW THIS TO EVERYONE SO TIS NOT LIKE ANY OF YOU ALL COULD HELP IF YOU ALL IS ACTUALLY ANYONE AT ALL/ BUT IT WOULD JUST BE NICE TO KNOW THAT I'M NOT RELLY AS ALONE AS I THINK I AM? BUT MAY BE I REALLY AM JUST COPMPLETELY ALONE AND I JUST LIVE AN 80 YEAR LIFE AND DIEW AND DISAPPEAR WITHOUT LEAVING A FUCKING M ARK! NOTHING. LEAVING NOTHING FIR ANYONE TO REMEMBER ME BY. MAYBE THEY'LL FIND THE BOX I JUST PUT ALL OF MY HAIR IN AND THEY;LL THINK, HMM POOR GIRL, SOME SERILA KILLER PROBABLY RAPED MURDERED AND SCALPED HER. THEN THEY'LL JOKE AND PEROBABLY REALIZE THAT IT WS JUST SOME STUPID SELFISH HIGHSCHOOLOER WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GOING FOR HER BUT A PAIR OF SCISSORS AND A SHOEBOX. ONE WHO IS JUST WONDERING IF ANYONE WOULD NOTICE TOMORROW. AND ALTHOUGH SHE KNOWS SHE LOOKS LIKE TOTAL SHIT WITH SHORT HAIR SHE CUTS IT AN INCH ABOVE HER CHIN AND ANOTHER INCH BELOW HER EARS BUT DOESNT TELL HER MOTEHR AND JUST FIGURES THAT SHE'LL WAIT UNTIL SHE NOTICES AND MAYBE SHE WONT EVEN NOTCE BECAUSE LATYELY SHE HASNT'T BEEN ACTING LIKE MOST MOTHERS DO. BUT MAYBE THE GIRLS JUST ANTICIPPATING SOMTIHG. MAYTBE HER ANXIETY HAD JUST GOT A STRONG FUCKING HOLD ON HER HAIR AND SHE NEEDED TO CUT HERSELF LOOSE BUT HES STILLLLL THERE. STILL YELLING THINGS AT HER. WAR WAR! BOMB! PAIN! TEARS! ALONE ALONE ALONE ALONEANLONE ALONE ANOLE ALONEANLONEANLONEALONE. AND SHEEBLIVES IT. NOT JHUST BELIEVING BECAYSE SHE KNOWS ITSTRUE OTEHRWISE SHE WOULDNT BE SHAKING SO VIOLENTLY. SO FUCK EATING I'M DONE WITH THAT. AND FUCK BREATHING, I'M NOT DOING THAT EITHER. AND FUCK BLEEDING AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT MOST HUMANS WOULD OR WOULDNT DO GLADLY. BECAUSE MAYBE I DONT WANT TO FUCKING BE HUMAN. MAYBE I DONT WANT TO BE GENERALIZED TO BE JHUST LIKE EVERY OTHER TWO LEGGED ALMOST HAIRLESS UGLY MAMMALCREATURETHING. I HATE THEM I HATE PEOPLE AND I HATE ANYTHING TTHAT DOESN'T HATE ME. AND IF YOU DONT HATE ME AND YOU ENJOY READING THIS "DIARRY" THEN I HATE YOU. AND IF YOU HATE THESE STUPIOD FUCKING "wORDS" THAT I'M WRITING HERE NOW THEN FUCK YOU I HATE YOU TOO. SO I GUESS NO ONES GONNA WIN BECAUSE YOU HATE ME AND I'LL HATE YOU FOR THAT AND IF YOU EVER DECIDE YOU LIKE ME ILL USE THAT AS ANOTHER EXCUSE TO HATE. AND MAYBE NOW I'M JUST RAMBLING AND MAYBE ITS ONLY BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND ANY GOOD FUCKING MUSIC TO LISTEN TO. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, ITS PRBABLY BECAYUSE I HAVEN'T TAKEN MY ZOLOFT IN TWO DAYS. WHICH REALLY PISSES ME OFF BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD GRADUALLY INCREASE MY HAPPINESS BUT THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN I FUCKING WHEN ON THOSE LYING BLUE PILLS. HAHHA THEY WORK BUT IM NOT CURED.
